You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
