you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
