question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
