Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
