I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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