I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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