Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
