I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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