Where is the hickey?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
