And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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