I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
