Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
