whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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