Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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