just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Screwed.edu
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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