so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
