I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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