I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
