Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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