So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
