Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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