You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ttyl tear gas
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
