Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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