While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
