Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
