I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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