I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
