Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
