she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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