who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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