We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
