Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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