I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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