barbara walters just said penis...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
