According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
