Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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