i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
