i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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