I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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