Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
