We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
