Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
