Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
