In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
