That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
