I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
