Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
