Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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