I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
