My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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