So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
